


My Dearest Friend

by Spacepeeps



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Toby Smith | Tubbo, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hugs, Hurt Toby Smith | Tubbo, Hurt/Comfort, IRL Fic, Insecure Toby Smith | Tubbo, Insecurity, Jealousy, Kinda, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Protective TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Real Life, Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, Toby Smith | Tubbo Has a Bad Time, Toby Smith | Tubbo Misses TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, Toby Smith | Tubbo is Not Okay, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, Worried Toby Smith | Tubbo, he's not dead but-, only sad cuz he cares abt tubbo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29301981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacepeeps/pseuds/Spacepeeps
Summary: Tommyinnit's known for yelling brash comments, spur of the moment insults, and curses on stream, particularly at his close friends, without any care in the world.But Tubbo, overrun with insecurities and overthinking every word that comes out of Tommy's mouth, starts to take these words to heart after he realizes Tommy primarily only insults him up until the point where it gets so bad that he calls him and asks if he hates him.Or: Tommy's words get to Tubbo, Tubbo has a breakdown about it, and Tommy hates himself for making his best friend feel that way. Cue fluff.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 29
Kudos: 555
Collections: Favorites





	My Dearest Friend

**Author's Note:**

> if you ship Tommy and Tubbo or interpret this piece as a shipping fic AT ALL...please get off my page :) respectfully :) you all are creeps and I don't want to hear any bullsit excuses :) also that was such a shit summary I'm so sorry LMFAOSJ

It was dumb.

Tubbo _knew_ it was dumb. He knew he shouldn't be so hung up on this, shouldn't be so busy pouting and moping over nothing just because his stupid brain wouldn't shut the fuck up for once, but he just couldn't _shake_ it.

He was dyslexic, not stupid. He knew the difference between a joke and actual, genuine insults. He knew the difference between Tommy, his best friend, mind you, hurling playful curses and colorful remarks and being actually, genuinely upset with him or something he did. They'd been best friends for years, and with Tommy, being able to take a joke was kind of a necessity if one wanted to become friends with him.

Tubbo had fallen into his rhythm with ease when they'd first met, merely soaking up his presence with a smile and taking all of Tommy's jokes and crude comments with the knowledge that none of that would change the way he felt about him, none of that would change the fact that between all of those harsh insults, he was still Tommy's best friend.

The problem was, that line was starting to blur.

The past year had been absolutely mental. Both he and Tommy had blown up on pretty much every social media platform out there, Tommy more so than him. They had started speaking to bigger streamers and YouTubers, had gotten to interact and become friends with some of their literal idols, and by the end of it, were able to call some of the people they'd grown up watching their good friends and supporters.

But that was the thing. As they'd joined the Dream SMP, the numbers had started skyrocketing. The follower count, the subs, the mentions, all of it. They'd both become respected streamers, some of the biggest on the platform, in the span of however long it'd been since they'd joined. Their small circle consisting of just them and a few others had expanded exponentially as new friendships were formed and bonds were made.

And therein lay the problem.

Tubbo loved his friends. Quackity always knew how to make him laugh until his stomach hurt, Wilbur saw him as a little brother, Schlatt had an undeniable soft spot for him, and Ranboo had been a positively fantastic person to talk to whenever Tommy wasn't streaming or didn't feel like interacting on social media that day.

But that was the thing. Tubbo knew he was overthinking it, knew it was just a product of his brain coming up with worst-case scenarios, but as Tommy interacted with their friends during other streams, Tubbo couldn't help but notice a change in his behavior, a change in his speech, if you will.

Their relationship had always been based around their own weird sense of humor and hurling insults at each other left and right. It was Tommy's thing, both off-stream and on. It was a fun dynamic, always had been. It was one of the reasons Tubbo had gotten comfortable with Tommy so quickly. Tommy talked like they'd known each other for years when they'd first met, and being the introvert he was, Tubbo was inclined to go along. Now here he was, sitting on twelve-hour voice calls with his blond best friend and talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

And that was the thing. He knew Tommy liked him. They were best friends, why wouldn't he? Why would anyone willingly sit in a voice call for half of the day if they didn't enjoy the other's company?

And yet...his brain kept spiraling.

It had first started a month ago when Tubbo had been just casually watching one of Tommy's streams after having just ended his own. There was no difference in his behavior at first, at least none that Tubbo could see, and Tubbo knew his best friend pretty damn well if he did say so himself. He was just as abrasive and chaotic as always, but yet...Tubbo couldn't help but notice that there were no annoyed glances to the camera whenever Quackity made some offhand comment or snide remarks whenever Wilbur said something weird like there usually were whenever _they_ streamed together.

Apparently, those were only reserved for Tubbo, along with the automatic insults and occasional shouting.

And that's where the thoughts started.

He knew he was being unfair. Their relationship had always been like this; why was he getting insecure about it now? How did that fact change when conversation flowed so naturally between Tommy and other streamers, but Tommy always looked borderline fed up with him whenever he spoke?

Why would he hurl insults had him like nothing and somehow refrain from doing the same exact same more than three-quarters of the time with any other streamer?

How come he would say 'I don't like you very much' or 'You're being annoying' offhandedly during streams but never once said anything along those lines to anyone else?

Tubbo, who had helped Tommy through everything and has spent countless hours recording footage with him, had been cast to the sidelines and demoted to the 'second choice' whenever it came to his friend's youtube videos in favor of much funnier, extroverted people in which conversation flowed much more naturally with.

So what was he then?

Now that Tommy had it all, _deserved_ it all after all of his hard work, now that he had reached the top with all of the others...did his insults begin to actually have meaning? Was he just too nice to let the introvert he'd befriended all of those years ago know that he didn't like him anymore? That he'd rather give away the 'best friend' title to an older, funnier, and more successful streamers?

Would he-

Tubbo groaned and buried his head in his pillow. These were the kinds of thoughts that had been plaguing his mind for the last four or so weeks, and he _hated_ it. He hated being so unsure of everything, overthinking to the point where he was so needlessly insecure, his stupid brain convincing him that all of his fears might be true.

Could they be?

Tubbo didn't know what he'd do with himself if they were.

He didn't doubt that Tommy had started to notice that something was up. Tubbo, despite it being mostly written off as a joke, _would_ actually consider himself to be quite clingy. He wasn't shy about his emotions most of the time, especially not emotions towards Tommy. He would constantly let his best friend know he cared about him, that he loved him, that he called him as such on a regular with ease that Tommy had never quite mastered.

He hadn't done that in a week.

He hadn't called Tommy for the same amount of time.

To be fair, the blond hadn't started a VC in that period either, which only succeeded in heightening his steadily growing insecurities.

He hadn't called Tommy in the irrational fear that he would bother him or be an annoyance.

Perhaps Tommy hadn't called because he simply didn't care if Tubbo was in his life anymore.

He rolled over to stare at the ceiling. This was dumb. He couldn't just suddenly assume that Tommy hated him after those insults had been a standard in their relationship since the beginning, but at the same time, his brain was telling him that it made so much _sense,_ that it explained _everything._

He hated this. He hated this so much.

xxx

It was three days later when Tubbo finally mustered up the courage to call his best friend.

The sound of the discord ringtone mocked him as he fiddled with the string of his hoodie, eyes wide and feet bouncing against the floor in nervous anticipation.

It only took a maximum of four seconds for Tommy to pick up, and six for him to start screaming.

"TUBBO!" His voice was loud in his headphones. The brunette winced, but a wave of relief washed over him nonetheless. It had been way too long since he'd heard that voice outside of streams, even if it had only been ten days. "What the hell, man? It was like you dropped off the face of the earth or something. I didn't know if you were still alive. No one knew where you were."

"Oh." Tubbo cracked a smile, suddenly painfully self-conscious and yelling at himself to _not fuck this up and make Tommy more annoyed with him then he already was._ "Yeah. Sorry. I'm just dealing with some stuff."

"Sounds like some pretty shit stuff," Tommy responded, tone light. "What happened, Big T? Twitter's gone nuts. You haven't streamed in over a week."

"I know," Tubbo said once again. He felt uncomfortable. Since when had he ever felt uncomfortable talking to Tommy? _Since Tommy had started hating him, apparently._ "I'm sorry. I've just got no motivation, I guess. I'm all good."

"Good to hear it." Tommy hummed. "You wouldn't believe my Twitch chat last stream. They were all spamming 'where's tubbo? where's tubbo?' over and over again and asking me to VC you." He snorted. "It's kind of funny how much they love you, Tubzo. Half of the time you don't even do anything and they all spam heart emojis and messages about how much they care or some shit."

"Yeah..."

Tubbo's voice was smaller this time, quieter, but Tommy didn't seem to notice. He rambled on, blissfully unaware of the internal struggle occurring inside his best friend's head.

"Anyway, where you been? We haven't talked in days. That's probably the longest we've gone since I met you."

"Well then why didn't you call me?" The words were out before he could stop himself.

He could practically feel Tommy shrug at the other end of the line. "I dunno. It never really crossed my mind, I guess. You're usually the one that rings first."

_It never really crossed my mind._

_He doesn't care._

_He doesn't care._

_It's not just all in your head._

_He doesn't care._

"Tubbo?" It was only then that he realized he'd gone silent, choked with the sting of rejection and the stab of insecurity positioned right over his golden, bleeding heart. "You good over there, man? You've gone all quiet."

"Fine," Tubbo said after a moment. His eyes were wet. When had his eyes gotten wet? He wiped his face with the back of his sweatshirt sleeve, clasping his hands together in front of him and thanking whatever god was up there that neither of them had decided to turn their face cams on. "Just..." He swallowed thickly. "Can I...ask you something?"

"Sure." Tommy's reply was light. Airy. Casual. Everything Tubbo wasn't. "What's up?"

Tubbo exhaled shakily. "It's stupid-"

"I'm sure it is, Tubbo."

"-but do you hate me?"

He held his breath, waiting for an answer, waiting for the inevitable crushing heartbreak, but he was met with only silence.

"Do I...hate you?"

The mood switch was instantaneous.

Tommy's voice was slow. Careful. Whatever teasing edge he'd had before was gone, replaced with something much more cold and unidentifiable to Tubbo's untrained ears. He'd never heard Tommy use this voice before, not during any of their voice calls, and certainly not while live in front of hundreds of thousands of people.

"Tubbo-"

"You can say yes!" Tubbo blurted, mentally berating himself because _how_ could he have just let himself crack like that? Tommy was selfless, Tommy was kind, Tommy was the most incredible person he'd ever known, of _course_ he wouldn't outright admit that he hated someone he'd once called his best friend. He was too compassionate, too willing to give, but Tubbo couldn't take his sympathy knowing that the love and affection he felt for the blond went unrequited. "It's fine, I get it. I know how you insult me and always call me annoying and sometimes say that you don't like me and stuff, it's okay. You've probably hated me for a long time, I understand! You've made it quite clear, you really don't have to say anything, I can just leave-"

"Tubbo," Tommy said again, and this time, he didn't sound so cold and calculating. He sounded...well, for lack of a better word, he sounded _horrified._ Well, that was to be expected, right? Fans loved their friendship. If they could no longer...display that, then he might lose some viewers...

"You think..." His next words were choked, voice a mixture between terrified and _sad,_ oh so sad and defeated in a way that the bright, exuberant Tommyinnit should never be. "You think I _hate_ you?"

"Well, obviously," Tubbo mumbled. He curled in on himself, looking anywhere but the screen in front of him. "You made it quite clear, Tommy. I get it, I do, you're absolutely amazing and born to be in the spotlight, and I'm just...me. It's-"

"Don't _talk_ about yourself like that." Tommy interrupted him before he could say anything else. There was fumbling on the other end, presumably Tommy rising from his chair, but Tubbo just stayed put. He was tired. He was so, so tired, and he just wanted this nightmare to _end,_ for Tommy to cement the fact that he didn't care about him in stone so he could sob into his pillow until he had nothing left to give. "Tubbo, just _don't-_ man, don't _do_ that, I-"

Tubbo smiled sadly down at his lap. "Tommy-"

"Shut the fuck up."

Tubbo's smile dropped along with his heavy heart and drooping shoulders. "Sorry."

"No, wait, I didn't mean it like that, I swear, please-" There was a heavy silence on the other line as Tommy composed himself, the only sound filling the space between the two boys being soft sniffles and heavy breathing. "I don't want you to shut up, Tubbo, I'm just trying to figure out what to do, and I don't _know_ -"

"Sorry," Tubbo muttered once again, voice so impossibly small and defeated because how could he put his best friend in a situation like this? Obviously, the answer was yes; obviously _,_ the blond was pretty much done with him, but Tommy was a nice person. He wasn't an emotionless asshole void of any semblance of sympathy or empathy. Underneath his loud, abrasive, and chaotic streaming persona, he was a very genuine boy with a huge heart. He would congratulate fellow content creators on milestones and hype them up whenever they seemed a little down in the dumps.

Unfortunately, the luxury seemed to be reserved for everyone but Tubbo.

"You're _sorry_?" Tommy's voice came in a choked whisper on the other side of the line. "Tubbo, why are you _sorry_?"

"For making you uncomfortable. For forcing you to have this conversation. For making you admit that you don't like me and disappointing your viewers when you tell them."

"Tubbo, I couldn't care less about viewers right now!" Tommy's voice rose an octave higher. He didn't sound...mad, exactly. It was more pained, more panicky than anything else. It was...strange. One would've thought that his best friend, because that's what he was to Tubbo even if he wasn't that to Tommy, would be relieved that Tubbo had figured it out on his own, had taken his subtle hints in stride and realized that he was getting sick of him. "Tubbo, I care about you! I don't _hate_ you!"

Tubbo said nothing.

There was a suffocating silence on both ends of the call.

"Stay right where you are."

"Tommy-"

"I'm at my parent's vacation home. It's like fifteen minutes away from your house. I'm coming _over._ "

Tubbo's head snapped to attention, doe eyes wild and eyebrows arched in shock. Out of everything he'd expected Tommy to say, out of everything he'd expected to be confessed here on this discord call, _that_ was the thing he'd least anticipated.

Dread pooled in his gut.

"Tommy! It's fine!" His hands were clasped together tightly, posture straight and legs pressed together so hard it hurt, but the panic in his voice was unmistakable. "You don't have to make a formal apology, really, I understand; I'm just not as fun as anyone else you hang out with. It was bound to happen-"

"I DON'T HATE YOU, TUBBO!"

Tubbo curled in on himself. There it was. There was that harsh tone again, that steadily increasing volume that always found its way to the surface whenever his best friend yelled at him. He hadn't minded it in years past. That was just how his best friend was, all hyperactive energy and shouting until his mom had to tell him off. But now that his brain, his _stupid_ brain, had convinced him of deluded fantasies and broken friendships, all it did was serve as a reminder of how much of a _bother_ he was to his younger friend.

"Tubbo, please."

Tubbo peaked at the monitor underneath wet eyelashes.

"I'm coming over." Tommy's voice was soft now, soft in a way that had been reserved only for him during the rough nights at the beginning of their Twitch careers when everything had seemed hopeless. Those days were long gone now. "I don't hate you, man, I could never, just... _please._ I need to...look, I know I'm hard to handle, and such a shit friend, and I don't deserve you at _all_ -"

"You're not a shit friend," Tubbo mumbled, because that was all he had the strength to do at the moment. "You've never been a shit friend, Tommy. You're so nice to everyone and so willing to reach out and easy to get along with. I'm just not-"

"Don't _finish_ that!" Tommy choked into his microphone, cutting him off for the nth time since this conversation had started. Tubbo couldn't blame him. He had always been easily overlooked, cast aside as he watched happily from the sidelines as Tommy basked in all of his deserved, extroverted glory. "Stop _talking_ about yourself like that, man! I don't like it, I don't like you feeling that way, I don't like being the one that _made_ you feel that way-" He cut himself off, inhaling deeply, wetly. "I'll be there in ten, Tubbo. Don't fucking...don't do any stupid shit until I get there, okay?"

Tubbo stared down at his lap. "Okay."

"I don't hate you," Tommy repeated quietly. "I really, really don't, Tubbo. Please don't think I do. I could never."

Tubbo just shrugged. He didn't have anything else to say, couldn't muster up the motivation to find the right words to express what the hell was going on with him and his stupid brain. Nothing made sense right now, and frankly, he was too tired to try and sort through his muddled thoughts and the contradictions of what his own intrusive thoughts were telling him and what Tommy was at that very moment.

He sat there, in his chair, unmoving and curled in on himself as small as he could, when Tommy ended the discord call.

He sat there, in his chair, unmoving and curled in on himself as small as he could, while his mind spun with possibilities of rejection and exclusion.

He sat there, in his chair, unmoving and curled in on himself as small as he could, when a certain tall, skinny, and familiar blond boy burst through the door, eyes wide and arms open and ready.

xxx

Tommy was a wreck.

He'd barely had time to snatch a jacket before barreling out of his vacation house and sprinting down the sidewalk, hastily turning corners and backpedaling whenever he saw a familiar street name or tree that could indicate he was nearing his best friend's place.

His best friend.

His best friend, who had called him in near tears and asked if he hated him.

His best friend, who he had so completely and utterly _failed._

His best friend, who was so patient and kind and gave affection like it was candy on Halloween even though Tommy, most of the time, had trouble even _admitting_ their relationship status was as close as it was.

God, he was such a fucking _idiot._

He'd _noticed_ the little falter in Tubbo's voice whenever he'd insulted him the past month that hadn't been there in the past. He'd _noticed_ how his friend had become more self-conscious about what he said and did around him in a way he wasn't around Ranboo because Ranboo didn't fucking _scream_ athim at every turn for no fucking reason! The way he hadn't streamed in over ten days, the way he'd made his best friend cry and think that he _hated_ him...that was all _Tommy's_ fault, the fault of someone who was supposed to be his best friend.

Hell, he'd gotten worried enough when Tubbo didn't call him for ten days. Ten. Fucking. Days. That was the longest they'd ever gone without speaking since...well, ever, to put things into perspective. Tommy had found that a little weird, he'd admit, especially since he hadn't gotten any explanation from Tubbo or anyone else about the brunette's sudden absence, but he hadn't really thought anything of it beyond that.

After all, this was Tubbo. If he wasn't calling him, there was probably a genuine reason or issue that had come up. It never once crossed his mind that his best friend was mad at him or anything, not when he reminded him how much he appreciated him with sappy, sickly sweet discord messages filled with kind words and praises every day.

Tommy had always wished he could return the favor as easily as Tubbo did.

Tommy didn't even know why it'd happened in the first place. He and Tubbo's relationship had always been the stereotypical 'soft meets loud' dynamic. He'd always thrown insults every which way for no reason, and throughout all of their years of friendship, Tubbo would go along with them with practiced ease and a teasing lit to his voice. He didn't know why he was getting self-conscious _now,_ but that was a question for much, much later, preferably after he'd apologized profusely and assured his best friend that he. Didn't. Hate. Him.

What a silly thought. The internet had yet to find anyone who genuinely disliked the ray of pure sunshine known as Tubbo Underscore, and that fact was unlikely to change anytime soon.

Tommy rounded a familiar corner, feet slapping against the pavement and breathing heavy. He was only moments away.

He ran harder.

A tree blurred past him, then a rock, then a long expanse of grass followed by a familiar brown house with a balcony peeking from the top-

Tommy skidded to a halt, nearly tumbling over himself and face planting on the asphalt.

He didn't waste any time after that. Tubbo's family was out on vacation somewhere or other, a strange habit that had been a constant in his friend's life even before he'd met the blond, so Tommy had no qualms about hastily gathering his balance, bursting through the front door uninvited, and then sprinting up the stairs, barely taking the time to kick his shoes off before barrelling down the hallways and yanking open the tell-tale door to Tubbo's room where he was met with-

His best friend curled up in his chair, eyes blank as he stared at the wall, and tried tear tracks staining his pale cheeks.

He could've sworn that his heart shattered at the sight, but that was ridiculous. Tommyinnit didn't get _sad_ or _emotional._

Except this was Tubbo, his amazing best friend who was always so willing to give and give and was basically the embodiment of everything good in the world, and for him, he supposed, he could make an exception.

So when he surged forward and wrapped Tubbo in the tightest, most encompassing hug he'd ever given, was he ashamed to admit it?

No, absolutely not.

They sat there for a while, on the floor, with Tommy's arms around Tubbo as the latter sobbed into his shirt, clutching the fabric between his hands like a lifeline. Tommy let it happen, more than content to just sit and let his best friend get whatever he needed to, whatever _he_ had caused, out of his system.

See, the thing was, Tommy didn't really do hugs, or really any form of physical affection in general. His love language was more along the lines of...well, insulting people, mostly. But that was what had gotten him in this situation in the first place, and he could very well just call Tubbo a bitch in a pathetic attempt to say 'I care about you, you're my best friend, I love you' just because he was too prideful and awkward to be any sort of sappy.

Tubbo was entirely the opposite. He was, although it was usually a joke whenever Tommy said it, actually quite clingy. The last time Tommy had visited, accompanied by Philza and Wilbur and Fundy, a second didn't go by where Tubbo wasn't touching or hugging or hanging off at least _one_ of them. It didn't help that he was so small compared to the rest of them either, which meant most of the visit had just consisted of Wilbur seeing how far he could curl around the child and Tommy being forced to endure an endless amount of persistent hugs, whether he wanted to or not.

But as Tommy sat there, arms around his best friend because that was all he could do, he hated himself for taking the brunette's endless love for everyone for granted because he would give _anything_ for Tubbo to stop fucking crying and _feel better, goddammit._

The sniffling eventually subsided, but neither boy moved. It was a bit strange for their first time meeting in months to go like this, but there were just some things that couldn't wait, and at this point in time, introductions were definitely one of them.

"Tubbo." Tommy chose to speak first, gently pulling back, making sure to keep his eyes soft so his friend didn't interpret the movement as any type of rejection. "Tubs, why do you think I hate you?"

"I dunno." Tubbo shrugged and looked to the side. Already Tommy could see a fresh batch of tears welling up in his brown doe eyes, but he forced down the urge to console until after he got a proper answer. If he did that, then they'd just spend the entire time hugging and crying and not actually communicating, which they clearly desperately needed to. "I mean...if you just look at your interactions with me and your interactions with other streamers...it's kind of obvious you don't like me very much."

Tommy shook his head firmly. "Tubbo, that's bullshit."

"Is it though?" Tubbo smiled up at him weakly, eyes as wide and glassy as ever and smile trembling pathetically. His stupid brain's stupid thoughts about Tommy hating him had quieted since his best friend had arrived, but that didn't mean they'd stopped berating him altogether. "I mean...like, we'll just be hanging out casually on stream and then I'll say something and you always get this really annoyed look on your face, like you're judging me. And then you'll just make these offhanded comments about how you don't like me and how annoying I am, and I've just _never_ seen you act that way with _anyone_ else-" He choked on a sob, curling in on himself once again.

"Oh, Tubbo..." Tommy could do nothing more than just wrap his arms around his best friend once again. The brunette was so small compared to him that he was almost encompassed entirely by the blond's frame. Tommy pulled Tubbo's head back to rest on his shoulder, wincing as the fabric immediately began to dampen but staying where he was regardless. "Tubbo, no, man, fuck, I...dude, I'm _so_ sorry. I don't...Tubbo, have you been feeling like this for the entire duration of our friendship? That you were constantly a bother to me and I was only hanging around with you just because?"

"No." Tubbo shook his head immediately, and Tommy's shoulders sagged in relief. If this had been an ongoing thing, if he'd continuously been making one of the most important people in his life feel like shit for the past two and a half years...he didn't know what he'd do with himself. Cry, probably, and then beat himself up for being such a shit friend to the person he was supposed to love most out of everyone. "No, Tommy, the last two years have been lovely. It's just..."

He trailed off, voice wavering dangerously as Tommy's heart plummeted once again.

"It's just...?" Tommy choked out. God, he didn't think he would ever forgive himself for this. The image of Tubbo curled into the smallest ball in existence with his head on his shoulder, tears in his eyes, and lips bitten uncertainly was...it was _painful,_ and preferably something that he'd never like to see again _ever._ "C'mon, Big T. Spit it out."

Tubbo lifted his neck just enough to offer him a watery smile. "I don't know. The doubt started like a month ago when I was watching a stream of yours a while back that included some of our other friends from the SMP, and I...I dunno. I just noticed that you were a lot more...tolerant of them than you were me." Tommy opened his mouth to protest, but Tubbo silenced him with a half-hearted shrug and a shake of his head. "And then I just spiraled from there. I started overthinking everything like why you never want to stream with me anymore, why I'm never in your YouTube videos and when I am it's because I'm your last choice, why you really never seemed to...care...about me once you made friends with funnier, cooler, and more extroverted people-"

"Tubbo, no, no, no, no, _no."_ Tommy grabbed his friend's shoulder and pulled him back, positioning them eye to eye but keeping him close. "That's not...fuck, dude, that's not it at _all._ You're never my last choice for mod videos, Tubs! I just assumed that if you wanted in, then you'd ask-" He inhaled sharply. "Tubbo, I always want you there with me. You're my best friend, man, and I know I don't say it as much as I fucking should, but I care about you! I care about you so fucking much, Tubbo, and please don't believe anything otherwise. I don't fucking care if social media explodes or not, I will go live right here right now and go on a two-hour rant about how much I love my best friend because I do _not_ say it enough."

"Tommy-"

"And don't you fucking dare compare yourself to anyone else!" Either Tommy didn't hear or simply chose to ignore him, because he kept talking as if no one had said anything. "Sure, Quackity and Dream and Karl and all those lads are more extroverted than you. So what? That doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to drop my _best friend_ of almost three years because sometimes you like to be alone for a bit." He threw up his hands. "And what do you _mean_ they're funnier and cooler than you? Tubbo, they're _streamers._ Sure, they're funny, and sure, they're cool, but they could never replace _you,_ you absolute dumbass! They couldn't if they tried! I'd choose you over viewers or clout in a fucking second, Tubbo! If you told me to end a stream because you were in trouble or had some other shit going on in your life that you needed me to help you deal with, then I'd do it without even fucking hesitating! I-" Tommy's shoulders drooped, the shift in attitude and depletion of energy so sudden that it made Tubbo blink. "I'm sorry, man."

Tubbo smiled softly, dabbing his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. "It's okay, Tommy."

"It's not, though." The blond groaned, pulling Tubbo back into a hug just for the sake of it. The brunette complied easily, clinging onto his best friend like it was his birthright. "I've always...I've always been afraid that one day I'd go too far with my insults and make you genuinely upset. You're just...you're _Tubbo,_ you know? We're pretty much complete opposites, and yet we just _work,_ and I care about you _so_ much-" His voice broke violently. He tried to cover it up with a cough, but Tubbo caught it anyway.

"Hey, it's okay." He murmured into Tommy's shoulder. "None of this is your fault, Big Man. Blame my brain for overthinking and shit." He pulled back a bit. "You're a wonderful friend, Tommy. Don't think anything otherwise."

Tommy didn't say anything, wordlessly squeezing Tubbo tighter.

"I don't say it enough," Tommy mumbled after a few moments. "But you really are my best friend, Tubbo, and I do...I do love you a lot. I really...I really hope you know that, Tubs."

"I know," Tubbo answered automatically. "And you're mine. Don't sweat it, Big Man."

Tommy snorted wetly, running a leisurely hand down Tubbo's back. "God, what a bunch of sappy bitches we are. We should tweet a picture of us hugging and watch the internet flip out."

"They'd go mental."

"We'd be trending for days."

The two boys lapsed into a comfortable silence, one teary-eyed and the other still clinging to the brunette boy like his life depended on it.

"So." Tommy looked at Tubbo. Tubbo looked at Tommy. He sounded rather torn up, but his eyes were twinkling. "Good to see you again."

"Yeah."

"I'm at your house."

"It appears so."

There was a slight pause. Tubbo raised his eyebrow and scrubbed excess tears off his cheeks before settling back down against Tommy's shoulder once again.

"Do you want to go to the beach and fuck shit up?"

Tommy sniffled once, twice, and then laughed wholeheartedly, if not a little wetly. "It would be my pleasure, Tubs."

"A pleasure I will gladly take advantage of, Tommy."

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO ALLLL I hope you enjoyed this. I'm such a sucker for insecurity tropes and the other person has to make them feel better, so if you have any that you've seen about tommy and tubbo like this one (or want to possibly write them wink wink) then PLEASEEE LET ME KNOW THEY'RE MY FAVORITE THING!
> 
> thank you everyone!! love y'all!


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